It’s been eight months since I gave birth, and eight months that I’ve been carrying the additional 12kgs worth of delicious pastries and chocolate that I consumed whilst baking my own little bundle of goodness. 12kgs – about half of which currently resides on my chest, and even though they’re now emptied of milk for some reason my lady lumps still pack a serious punch.

I recently moved to the tropical metropolis of Singapore and last week I decided it was time to shed the baby weight and get back to an Asia friendly clothing size – (an extra large here is equivalent to an Aussie size 10….Having never been a size 10 to start with, my wardrobe options are really limited. And so, it’s time). I signed up to Pilates and entered a 6km fun run. I bought some new runners, new tights and new singlets to sweat in.

But to quote Bette Midler, my “over the shoulder boulder holders” from pre-baby days were just not cutting the mustard on the treadmill. After a failed attempt at trying to find a sports bra that went past a ‘c’ cup at the local shopping mall – I went online and ordered in 3 bras to try out.

Here is what I found.

1. The Bonds Sporty Top Full Busted. $40

Super comfortable and available in a range of fun colours that typical of the Bonds brand, the firmly structured cup gave me a nice perky shape and loads of promise. However, after 15mins on the treadmill (level 9 at an incline of 2pts for the fitness fanatics out there) I was left utterly disappointed, and hanging at least 2 inches lower than before I started… There was very little actual support in those perky foam cups, and the butterfly back was way too stretchy to hold anything down convincingly. What’s worse, is that there was so much movement, I developed two horrible raw chafing rashes where the undercarriage of my boobs rubbed against the banding. Horrendous!

Rating: 2/5
Conclusion: Save this one for the yoga class, social pram walk or those days you wear exercise clothes to the supermarket with absolutely no intention of exercising at all… everyone loves stretchy pants!

2. The Lululemon Ta Ta Tamer II. $70

After spending an obscene amount of money on the Ta Ta Tamer off the back of a passionate recommendation from an impressively busted running friend, I thought I had landed the perfect sports bra to really tame the ladies. The Ta Tamer also comes in a great range of colours, although very few were still in stock online, and so I was stuck with the boring black one. The amount of material that is involved from cup casing to cross over back and under-carriage banding, got my hopes up despite my initial skepticism that a yoga brand would really know how to ‘Tame’ a serious set of bosoms during more intense sporting pursuits. But I was actually pleasantly surprised. Ignoring the fact that I ordered a size too small (half of my boobs were hanging out the sides of the cups), the shape and support was actually pretty amazing. There were no issues with chafing and the bounce factor was actually pretty well contained. Nice work Lululemon!

Rating: 4/5
Conclusion: Make sure you try before you buy. The sizing guide was way off for me. So my only criticism is that this is a wing and a prayer online purchase.

3. Berlei Sports Bra extreme Support $90

Ladies, welcome to the holy grail of sports bra’s– and for $90 it would damn well want to be. The ad suggests that this bra reduces bounce by up to 60% – I would actually argue that it reduces bounce by more like 95%. My ladies were not going anywhere once I got them into this tight little squeeze. It took a while to get them in there, and there was some manual shifting required to keep them in the desired position before I finally locked off the clasp at the back – I’d started sweating before I’d even hit the treadmill, but it was worth it. The Williams sisters really are the perfect ambassadors for this product, also because they’re probably the only people that could afford to buy more than one… but at the end of the day, this really was the most effective at locking these now retired milk wielding jugs of fun into place. I’m now ready for some serious treadmill action!

Conclusion: strap them down and get bouncing…your lady lumps aren’t going anywhere in this beauty! Sure, you won’t be able to afford lunch for a month, but hey, your boobs won’t be sweeping the floor post workout either!

**Note: This is not a sponsored article


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