Before you are anything else, you are going to be someone’s daughter. And then when you are all grown up, you might have kids of your own, and then you become a mother. When you are both, it can be difficult to juggle the responsibilities of being a mother, and daughter, but somehow you have to manage. Often this can mean making choices that you don’t want to make, doing things that you would rather not do and running yourself ragged to please everyone. It is a difficult time, and in this article we are going to talk about all the things that you are going to have to juggle around. So, let’s take a look at what they are.
How Often Should They See Their Grandchildren?
One of the things that you need to think of is how often you are going to have your children seeing your parents. Your parents are likely going to want to get to know your kids, be actively involved in their life, and this is something that you are going to have to come to terms with, even if you don’t want to. Unless you believe your parents pose a danger to your children, it is not fair to keep them from them. After all, they are going to be a part of you, and your parents love you.
So, it is then up to you to decide how often they get to see each other. If your parents don’t live near you, you are going to find this a lot more difficult than if they are just up the road. If they live close to you, it is going to be easier to arrange times, and see each other, but if they are far away, it is going to require a lot of planning. Even though this is the case, you should try to make sure that your parents are getting to see your kids at least once every week or two weeks. This way they can stay connected and share a bond with one another.
Do You Have To Make A Choice?
It is going to be one of the worst choices in the world, but one day you might be forced to choose between your parents and your children. You are likely not going to want to make this choice, and you might want to them both in your life but sometimes this just isn’t possible. You must choose your children in this situation, and your parents, while they may be upset and pretend they don’t, will understand. They would have done the same thing for you when you were a child, and as a mother, it is your job to protect and choose your children over everyone else in the world.
In an ideal world, you are never going to have to make this choice, but you have to prepare in case the day does come where you are forced into this position. We are not going to go into why this could happen, but there are a few reasons. Just remember that your child must always come first, and your duty as a mother has to outweigh that of being a daughter.
Should You Let Them Move In With You?
If you know that your parents might end up in a care home, you need to think long and hard about letting them move in with you. This is all going to depend on the situation that you are in when this happens, and how it would impact the people who are already living in your home. If you think that it would be a negative impact on your children, then you can’t do this. Even though it might be what you want, as we said above, your duty to your children must come first.
However, if you think that your kids will enjoy having their grandparent moving into the house with them, and that it is not going to negatively impact them, then this is something to consider. You might find that you can give them the care they need, without having to send them to live in a home. Your parent is going to appreciate this, and you can look at it as looking after your parent like they looked after you if you want to. It might be a nice way to keep a strong relationship with your parent, and for your kids to maintain a strong relationship with their grandparents.
Is It Okay For Your Kids To Visit Them?
If your parents are fit and well, living somewhat close to you, you are going to need to decide whether it is okay for your children to visit their grandparents without you. You need to trust your parents completely to be able to do this, and if you have any doubts, then it shouldn’t happen. But, as their daughter, your parents are likely going to hope that you have enough faith in them to trust them with your children. It can be hard to say no to your parents, especially when it comes to your children, but you need to measure all the pros and cons before you make a decision on this.
Explaining Issues Like Dementia
Dementia is a hard reality to accept, and yet it might be something that you and your family are forced to confront. Explaining this to your children can be hard, especially when you as the daughter are probably struggling to understand it yourself. Again in this situation you need to be able to think about your kids, while still managing to keep yourself going. It is going to be difficult to explain to your kids what is happening with their grandparents, and this is going to be especially hard if you are finding the news particularly difficult to grasp. In this situation, you need to be strong, and be able to effectively manage your responsibility as a daughter and a mother.
In Care Or Out Care?
As your parents get older, they are likely going to need more help, and you might not be able to provide this yourself. If this is the case, then there is the option of in care or out care. Incare is going to be something like a care home where they are going to get the 24/7 care that they require. But, if your parents are still able to live independently but they just need that little bit of extra support, you can think about moving them somewhere like retirement villages where they will be living among other people who need the same type of care.
You are probably going to be the one who needs to make this choice, and you need to decide what is going to be best for your parent. If you think that they can manage on their own with a little bit of support then out care might be the best for them. But, if you think that they would benefit from having the round the clock care, then you might have to make the hard choice to put them in a care facility.
Handling The Stress
The stress is going to be difficult. Not only are you going to be raising a child, or a few children, but you are also going to have to maintain a good relationship with your parents. The relationship itself is probably not going to be the issue, but finding the time in your busy schedule as a mum is likely to be the problem. You need to have some coping mechanisms to help you handle all the stress that is going to be coming your way. Try going online and finding some breathing techniques, you might find that these are really helpful when you are nearing the end of your tether.
Your parents know how hard it can be to raise children, they raised you! They are going to understand if you cannot call every day like you used to, or if you have to cancel seeing them sometimes. But, as a daughter, you don’t want to lose your connection to your parents, and this itself can end up causing you stress. Yoga is also something that you can try to reduce the impacts that stress could be having on your life.
Time For You
Finally, you need to be taking some time for you. Even though you are a mother, a daughter, and everything else you are needed to be, you still need to be you. Take some time, leave your children with their father, or with a friend and make sure that you are giving yourself the time you need to relax. You are going to be no help to anyone if you are not taking care of yourself as well. You might feel as though you can’t do this because you must think about your children and your parents before yourself, and we applaud you for this, but if you don’t take the time for yourself, you are going to break in the end.
Juggling these responsibilities can be a challenge, we know. There is a lot to cover in this article, but these are just some of the things that you are going to have to do, now that you are a mother, as well as a daughter.